I know better now, and so I am trying to do better. It is painful because the old ways are so comfortable but I know in my heart that pain is the only thing that will bloom if I go backwards and plant the same seeds I always did.
I want to feel the sun kiss my skin, and watch the light grow inside of me. So yes, I know better, and yes I will try to do better. I will trust that this uncomfortable feeling will fade into peace, and I will be one step closer to being free in me.
I am letting go of many things, thoughts, feelings, and people that have weighed me down until the water filled my lungs. I am learning how to breathe again without them, and it feels bittersweet but I know this is what is right for me.
I won’t explain or justify myself to anyone. I will live out my life with joy, with peace, with honesty, and I will not let anything unravel me again.
This is my story, and beautiful things will be written in each page. The light will soak into my words, and I will come alive in each chapter. No more holding back. No more pleasing you. No more making myself small to make you more. I am here, and I am going to take up space. I am going to live."
Will turn into
Escaping our tired lips.
Our can I call you’s?
Will turn into
Come here and hold me’s.
I’ll scream in the middle of the night,
Will pull me close;
tell me everything’s alright
And I’ll fall asleep.
You’ll come home
And tell me we need to get groceries,
We’ll make a list, and tape it to the fridge
But tomorrow we’ll forget it there
And you’ll blame me,
And I’ll blame you
And we’ll spend a hundred because
We couldn’t remember.
And were both too damn impulsive.
You’ll understand every aspect
Of my condition
But love me all the more.
And I’ll treasure you,
Hold your hand everytime it gets bad
Knowing I am okay,
I’ll wake up in the morning,
To the smell of cooking,
I’ll come down the stairs
Of a house we call ours,
And I’ll kiss the love of my life
As well as goodnight.